I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
