Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
