im about as happy as oj after his trial
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
