Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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