Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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