And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
