it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Too much gin, very little bucket
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
