Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
