he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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