It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
