Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
