We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
