Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
