its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
