I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
