Who wears a wallet chain?!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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