My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
