I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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