She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
