she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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