it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
