it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So here I am, sexting at work.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
