So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
