I'm lost and stupid without you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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