Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize