you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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