Nicole vs. Life
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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