Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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