ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
