If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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