Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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