Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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