I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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