Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Nicole vs. Life
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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