I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
