of course. lets lasso hookers.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
