and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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