Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
