remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
