he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my shit smells like andre
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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