So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
