Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We're too hungover to prance.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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