ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
