Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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