official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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