So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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