He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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