i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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