Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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