me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
