yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
