Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
