I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
