Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
