IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
