He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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