Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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