He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
