Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
