how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
