census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
