oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
bring money and cleavage
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
