hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
