my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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