planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
