Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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