So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
