U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize